Wednesday, February 20, 2013
6 months ago I was TERRIFIED.
6 months ago I did not want this house.
6 months ago I had a lot of growing up to do.
6 months ago we were supported and surrounded by family as we moved in. I kid you not- there were about 6 families here helping us move in, unpack, organize, and set up our new home.
Plain and simple- our family is AWESOME!
They even respected my crazy, OCD, anal-retentiveness and made this massive conga line from the moving truck up through the house. Men and strapping young lads were lined up with shoes on outside and then there were more lined up WITHOUT shoes on inside. (I get such a smile just re-living that) Each box/item was sent person to person through the door where I stood and said where it went. And then they continued down the line until it was in it's proper place!
The ladies unpacked and organized my kitchen! Family members put together all of our beds and then the ladies whisked in to make them up for us...ready for our first night in our new home.
Oh if only I had snapped some pictures! This was a welcoming!
As we began to settle in it became very apparent to me how different this house was than what I had originally planned. In my head Matt and I were going to walk into a house and it was going to be "THE ONE" for both of us. Kind of like when you find your wedding dress- you just know it was meant for you! That never happened. The more houses we looked at the more I realized I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted this cute cottage style 2 story house with the tall white trim, dark hardwood floors, grey walls, and all these other cute details I had thought of. I have always loved cozy. So much so that when we had to trade in our sedan for a mini-van to fit all the carseats, I balled. I could no longer reach behind me and touch my kids- they felt so far away from me. And I was driving a mini-van for crying out loud. I swore I never would. Ahh.
My better half is a tall guy who likes to sprawl out. So the idea of cozy works in some instances- but as far as living space is concerned- he likes to have room. We were beginning to find ourselves at opposite ends of a spectrum. Me wanting the cute, tiny house and he wanted the house with more space. This is when God started laying it on my heart that the house we were to buy was going to come to us in a very, shall we say "organic" way. It would come in a way that we wouldn't expect and we wouldn't traditionally find out about it.
Not long after that- the house we are in today was brought to our attention- in just such a way. God had led us to a house that had many of the ideas and things we both wanted and the house met many desires we both had. But it was not a cute 2 story. It is more of the simple, sprawling type of home.
Long story short...buying our first home brought a TON of emotions I was completely unprepared for. I had no idea!
I think I may have mentioned in a few previous posts my thoughts on home ownership...
Or maybe we had the chance to chat face to face about what was really going on inside.
After about 3 months in our house I was falling apart. I wanted to sell. I was done with home ownership, I was done with this house, and I was done with anything else related. I had a very bad attitude!
A lesson on letting go was underway and a transformation inside was beginning.
Over the next few months I began to see how even though this house was not the neat, tidy, compartmentalized, super cute detail oriented 2 story I had in my head for so long- it was a house that had other things in store that I could never have thought of.
For example- it is always sunny in our house. I kid you not. Even when it is cloudy it feels light in here. Like the rays of the sun poke through the clouds and only shine inside our house. This has brought EXTREME healing to my mind and soul. This house is also being used to teach me a lot about perspective in life. I am learning a lot about valuing opinions and which ones I should. This house was the perfect transition for the kids with a very similar layout to our place we had had in WI. Our house is 2 miles from Matt's work which makes seeing him happen all that much more! Our house has room to grow (the lower level is unfinished)- when thought of as a blank canvas for us to create ourselves it is extremely exciting!
Now 6 months later- I can say that I am happy to have this house. I am grateful for the blessing this house is. I am grateful for the future we can have in this house. I am grateful for the projects we have slated to do together. I am grateful for the memories we are creating here. I am grateful that God knows what's best and I do not. I am grateful that He is in control and I am not.
But also- I am grateful for the work He has done in me. For the changes he has made with my heart.
There are moments when I dream about that cute 2 story house. And maybe someday we will do it. But for now- I am glad to have a house that has brought us feelings of togetherness, a settling feeling, a canvas for creativity, and a chance to keep growing as individuals and Lord willing- a family.
Cheers to the last 6 months- the ups, the downs, the laughter, the tears, the new beginnings, and the end of many stinkin thinkin moments!
Here's to the next 6...I am not even going to imagine what could be in store- but will lean on and trust in the One who is in control!